When I Wake Up Saying ‘No’ From A Nightmare I Am Not Crazy

Thought Catalog

Flickr, George ArmstrongFlickr, George Armstrong

Busch Light cans make me uneasy. And by uneasy I mean I feel the swell of naseua pool up in my stomach, I feel the rush of my heart, I feel like I cannot breathe anymore, I feel trapped without words.

If you say a word so many times, it starts to sound like gibberish. Like it never existed in the first place. So I say his name. So I say attack. So I say no because apparently when you say a word enough it loses its meaning and that must be why it happened. “No” must not have meant anything to him after it was repeated.

Unfinished floors give me flashbacks, stairwells in dark hallways give me flashbacks, neck ties give me flashbacks, I cannot leave the house without seeing something that reminds me that I didn’t ask for this.

I am not crazy.

The words…

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